maybe fate can only take you so far

Soooo tomorrow is my first day at my internship and I can’t sleep. I’m not anxious about the job, there’s no way I’ll be on ridiculous machinery the first day, but I am kinda anxious about the drive. But that’s fine. I guess I’ll have to live with driving 120 mi a day.
I can’t sleep because I obviously haven’t woken up at 5 AM or gone to bed before 12 AM at any point this summer. Aaaannddd I can’t sleep because I miss that kid I’m dating. It’s getting kind of ridiculous. We’ve been able to talk a little bit more lately and it’s been driving me insane (in a good way). we’re being more open about ~feelings~ and stuff which is fabulous. I can’t remember the last time something like this went right for me. Here’s to hoping.

Uuuuuuuuh I got the internship??? I mean that’s cool but I’m actually not excited to drive like over an hour each way to this place AAGGH.

And they want me to start this Monday? Goodbye summer (But at least I don’t have to work at Tlake oh my god yeah).

Dating is weird.
I’m not used to things going this slow. But I guess that’s a good thing because now that I can’t talk to him as often as I normally do, I find myself nonstop thinking of him and listening to the music he likes.
I was totally happy with being single and whatever, and I don’t find myself to be absolutely *thrilled* about him (which would be a deal breaker), so I’m not sure what this dependence I’m feeling is.
I guess laying outside talking about nothing then going out for food at 3 AM is really all I want right now.

Studying for this inorganic chemistry final is actually the most painful thing I’ve ever been through. I feel like I’m drowning in an unmanageable amount of information.

This is stupid and I want this under the cut but phone blogging won’t do that so whatever.

My life now is exactly how I pictured it would be when I was younger. Who I was in high school is nothing like I ever wanted. The straight a’s, miss goody two shoes, straight edge, no make up, staying in relationships just because I needed someone.
That’s never what I really wanted. I tried to continue it in college, but it kinda wrecked me. But forced me into what I am now- Which I’m very happy with. I’ve gone out and done something fun at the expense of studying, I’ve rejected tons of guys, made some mistakes, now I’m casually dating a hick (for some reason I always assumed that would happen to me).

So as I panic because finals are coming up and I just drank wine before coming home to study, I’m just going to remind myself I wanted it this way.

Some days I love my job. I work with fabulous people who are some of my best friends and the most interesting people I’ve ever met. Other days, I freaking hate this place. I do so much for them for nothing. To get screwed over. Constantly. Deer god.

Somebody out there wants me to have an awful day today. Well congrats, whoever you are, you’re succeeding.

Today was really excellent and a good way to forget about the hell that I’m going to go through next week.
It started with going to six flags with bro (we nailed that picture) and ended lying in a field at 1 AM next to someone trying to share body heat.

It’s been awhile..

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